What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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