Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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