peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
