Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just cropdusted the office
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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