those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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