Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
