I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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