do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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