I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
