forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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