i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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