whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
