Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
