A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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