Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
