...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Screwed.edu
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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