literally had 100 drinks last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
