so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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