i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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