It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
