she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
