3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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