Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
