You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
