I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
