I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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