i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
