you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
