It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
