your thong is hanging out like whoa
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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