The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
