sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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