i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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