it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
