He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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