I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
