that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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