I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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