You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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