For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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