At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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