Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
