I got chris browned last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
