She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
