Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
