saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
