i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
