I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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