It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
