I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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