evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
