If i come over, it means nothing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
