You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
