He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
