I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
