I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize