There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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