I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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