Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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