Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
