just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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