Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
