I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
