i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize