So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
