O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
