rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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