I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
