in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
