Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love having hate sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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