Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
