i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
