i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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