My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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