her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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