Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
