my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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