so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
