I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
