I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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