toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
