My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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